Montana Peak from Gold Mint Trailhead, Hatcher Pass, AK, Late September.
In respectful remembrance of Ambrose Bierce.
- You have been warned -
And now: A Brief Review of the Theophagi attitude towards Sex -
Well, truth be told, if the Early Theophagi, and the nascent Deivore Hierarchy could have had their way, (after they finally succeeded in getting their greedy, smutty little hands on some earthly power), no one would have engaged in any form of sexual behavior - Heterosexual, (Certainly not Homosexual-!!), or Auto-Erotic - ever again. (Ok, Some of the Popes, and Bishops, and Cardinals, and the odd Priest here and there would have still been gettin some, but that's different...)
But I must say, based entirely on my personal observations, that they appear to have been monumentally unsuccessful at this, as I am as certain as I can be of anything that I am writing this post. (Though I must remain, unavoidably, less certain that you are reading it.)*
Still, the fact that I am writing this would seem to indicate that, at least up to fifty years ago, folks were still having sex. And it also appears, based on the number of mommies and daddies I see toting freshly minted babies around everywhere, that people have continued having sex up to the present day, or at least up to about nine months ago.
*[As regards the epistemological (for me) question of whether there is an actual you out there reading this - I say Peace! - I may deal with the issue of solipsism at some later date, provided I can determine (epistemologically) whether there are other minds wandering around out there, and also determine, (ontologically), whether those minds might have some interest in my ideas... or... wait a minute... if I actually have any, ideas that is, since I might be a (solipsistical [solipsistic?]) figment of someone else's... or wait... ah... actually... I could be a figment of the only imagination, and therefore what I believe to be my ideas would actually have arisen in his, her, or its, mind.... and therefore .... um... I think I feel dizzy... yeah... realllllly dizzy....]
And as regards the failure of the Theophagi in eliminating sex from the sphere of human activities? I personally am deeply grateful for that failure every single day. (And sometimes twice on Sundays!)
Still, for the Theophagi carnality has always been, and remains to this day, deeply antithetical to the Deivore Faith. (With the sole exception of the strange and bizarre ceremony during which they ritually incarnate, and then eat, their god. [Hence the name: God-eater - Greek: Theophagus / Latin: Deivorous])
And the Great Hope of the Theophagi, yea verily I say unto thee, their ultimate and eternal mission has always been, and remains, to this very day, the elimination of The Moment from human life. They still want to rip sexual desire out by its fecund and fertile roots, and, by that act of violence against life itself, eliminate any and all forms of sexual desire, sexual activity, and sexual pleasure. Forever and Ever. World Without End. Amen. (In this way they would achieve Heaven on Earth.) and/or failing that, the Deivore Garde Arriere has undertaken to surround the entire subject of sex with so much guilt, and shame, and misery, that NO ONE can actually enjoy it. (In this they have achieved a modicum of success. But at the cost of reducing Big G to the role of The Great Voyeur in the Sky.)
For reasons that escape me, the Theophagi are deeply opposed to pleasure. (well actually, the reasons don't escape me, they have to do with their sick and perverted world view - and it is a seriously sick, and deeply perverted world view - but then, theirs is a deeply sick, twisted, perverse, and perverted god.) In fact, the Theophagi believe that pleasure is pain, and that pain is actually pleasure, so they therefore value physical and psychic pain, and will seek out misery and deep psychological torment - in a word, they enjoy suffering. The more intense their pain and psychic torment, (their suffering), the better. (In fact, they can be quite self indulgent about it.)
"Mea Culpa, mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa!!" and "Brothers! Let us mortify our flesh, and deny it, in our fervent hope that we may thereby destroy all corporeal desire, and having destroyed it, thereby receive the many incorporeal blessings which, (as we have been told, repeatedly, all our lives, by respected authority figures, who have yet, themselves, in actual fact, and in irrefutable truth, NEVER seen, nor experienced, and who, therefore, in or of themselves, possess absolutely no actual evidence whatsoever of), shall be our reward, the which we shall obtain, after our corporeal, earthly deaths, incorporeally in Heaven !"
Subtext: Ok guys, let us destroy every desire except the desire to deny and mortify our mortal flesh, (which, in actuality, we really, truly, sorta get off on) so that, by the sheer force of our blind faith, and the relentless indulgence of that particular desire, we may hope to attain to that which we have been taught (or had beaten into us) should be our only desire, which is resurrection in a Heaven where there is not now, nor has there ever been, sexual desire, sexual activity, or sexual pleasure. (A Heaven from which we would, if we could, exclude women.)
[In the nonreligious, this psychological state of being is usually viewed as pathology.]
And why is this?
Well, after much close reading, and hours of careful study of their Holy Texts, it has become clear to me that their god really enjoys the pain and suffering of others. (It is an Anhedonic - "If it feels good, DON'T do it!" - Theology.) And if people aren't getting down to enough suffering on their own, he has no hesitation about stepping in and getting his hands bloody.
Just look at what he did to his (supposedly) beloved son! Jesus...
- So, let us here pause here, just for a moment, and remember -
"The Law of Unintended Consequences."
Paraphilias anyone? (A little lite bondage perhaps? Very popular among Catholics, I assure you! Perhaps a little S&M. The Naughty Nun? Perverted Priest? Horny Friar? The Corporal Punishment Confessional Scenario?)
"Forgive me Father, for I have been a very naughty boy/girl. I have sinned in thought, word... and, deeeed."
"Naughty in deeeed? Indeed! Hm, yes I see. And just how naughty have you been?"
"Very naughty, Father, yes, veeeeeery naughty indeed. In fact, I think I need to be punished."
"Punished, yes... yes you must be punished for your naughtyness! You wicked little girl/boy."
Here - The sound of resounding smack! (As of, perhaps, a cricket bat impacting a nice, firm, round bubble ass, hard enough to sting and impart a nice cheery pink glow, but not hard enough to do any real or lasting damage.)
"Thank You Father, may I have another?"
A Catechism -
What is the best and highest ideal to which Mankind can aspire?
(sorry [icky] girls, but it's Mankind! Now, and Forever!)
Why, to be like, or become one with, The Christ! Of course!
And what is the quickest way to achieved that end?
Why, to die painfully, protractedly, and bloodily, for The One True Catholic Faith, thereby becoming a Martyr, and perhaps, (dare I hope for it?), a Saint.
Again, why?
Because it appears the Big G still loves a Good, Gruesome, Painful, Bloody, Sacrifice.
That's why.
However, if, for some reason, you don't feel you're up for crucifixion, or some other form of painful martyrdom, (Wuss!), we do have the following, gender appropriate, life models.
For The Boys we have - A Celibate Priesthood - (No pussy for you!)
(Martyrdom looking more attractive by the minute?)
But! Because you are a Man - just like The Christ and the Apostles - (God Bless You, Y chromosome!) And therefore unlike (icky) girls, (ewwww!!) - Excepting, of course, the Immaculate Conception and Eternal Virgin, The Blessed Mary, Mother of God (who is never icky) - You Men, (unlike [icky] girls) will be allowed to perform the Mysterious Ritual Magic which turns plain old bread, (or whatever the hell it is that those weird white discs are supposed to be) and dreadful watered wine, into the Veritable (Veritable I tell you! There's nothing symbolic about it!) Flesh and Blood of the Christ! Yes! And so, you get to Eat God!! Every day!! He's Yummy!!
Plus, as a sort of added bonus, you get to tell (icky) girls what to do, and they have to do it!
What could be better?
And as for you (icky) girls?
Sorry girls, no room in the He-Man-Woman-Haters-Club for you. (Why? Cause girls are ICKY!) Adam would never have taken a bite of that stupid apple if it weren't for eve!! And We Men would still be hanging out in The Garden!! Surrounded by free food!! That we wouldn't have to work for!! The Ultimate Buffet!! All you can eat!! Forever!!
That's why girls are icky! That and the fact that vaginas are really scary (I'm serious! They're scary!) They're wet, an dark an squishy, an babies an other stuff comes out'a them (an babies are waaay bigger than our dicks!) an... an... what if there are teeth in there? EEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
But! An (icky) girl can become - A Celibate Nun! (that'll larn ya, scary pussy!)
So, get thee to a Nunnery, Tout de Suite!!
We do however have a consolation prize, as it were, for (icky) girls. In exchange for making the sacrifice of denying anyone (including yourself) the pleasure of your pussy, when you finally take your Holy Orders (Orders, get it? [And who will be giving you your orders? Men! Forever !! Buwah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!]) You will become a Bride of Christ!
Wow! Talk about polygyny !! That old Mohammed ain't got nothin on our boy Christ! We're talking thousands! Tens of thousands!! (Get that boy some Celestial Viagra !!)
Oh. Girls are allowed to eat God. (We weren't able to figure a way around that.) But they may not, under any circumstance, perform the Mysterious Ritual Magic. (Curse you, double x chromosome!)
Poverty - Chastity - Obedience - Forever....
Or at least until the last one dies.
It really is that simple.
Ergo: There would be no humans alive today. (Which I'm not saying would be a bad thing.)
But really, after two thousand years of trying, using every means available to them, to convince everyone to be celibate, and failing that, making sure that no one can actually enjoy sex, which they accomplished through the simple expedient of equating even a fleeting moment of sexual desire with sin, and sin with eternal damnation, eternal suffering, and eternal torment, I would have to call their experiment in social engineering an abject failure.
Sex = Sin?
Jesus (who loves you, and who died for you!) = The Great Voyeur in the Sky?
That's a wonderful thing to do to a child.
"Jesus sees everything you do! In fact, you don't even have to do it, just thinking about it is enough, because Jesus knows your every sinful thought, word, and deed!" or "Every hard-on is a SIN! It doesn't even matter if you wanted it to happen or NOT! Every erection should be a reminder of your hateful, fallen, sinful state! You should be ashamed! Deeply ashamed! Our Saviour never had a hard-on!" or "Don't you want to be like our Savior? He died for your sins and this is how you repay him?"
And they still won't give up.
I here paraphrase a statement made by Pope John Paul II - (Of sainted memory)
"Good Catholics must avoid concupiscence at all costs." In other words, "Lust is always a Sin!" even within marriage. So you must not, ever, feel sexual desire, even towards your lawful wife or husband.
So it appears that the only lawful reason to have sex, which you must not actually enjoy, is for the express purpose of producing children, (but ONLY within the confines of a good catholic marriage), whom you must then raise to be good catholics, who will feel tremendous guilt and shame, and therefore work hard and give their money to the Church.
(Do you have any idea what the annual upkeep is on the Vatican? And all those Priests and Bishops and various and sundry hangers on, who produce little, but demand much, (ie. faith, obedience, money, food, housing, plane tickets, altar boys, etc...) And do you think all those vestments, and brocades, and damask silks, and crowns, and silly hats make themselves? Hell no! Those things cost money!)
I am sooo gonna burn in Hell.
Ah well. I live in Alaska. I'm looking forward to being finally being warm.
Meanwhile, back in the basement...
No comments:
Post a Comment