Raven flew to and fro. Part the First

Ok. Now it's time for a perfect example of what can happen in a world with great literature - and no copyright law.

While you may have never read, nor even heard about Sumer, Akkad, Gilgamesh, Enkidu, Enlil, Ziusudra (or Zi-ud-sura), Atrahasis, Utnapishtim, et al, I'm just gonna throw some things out here, and see if any of it rings a bell.

I sent forth a Raven and released it.

The Raven went off, and saw the water slither back

it eats, it scratches, it bobs but does not circle back to me.

So on the seventh day he loosed a single Raven,

which flew around and found a place to land so it returned not.

I then released a Raven, to soar in search of land.

The bird took flight above the more shallow seas

found food, and found release, and found no need to fly back to me.

Sound vaguely familiar?

Check this out.

And he sent forth a Raven, which went forth to and fro until the waters were dried up from off the earth. Genesis 8:7 KJV

... and sent out a Raven; and it went to and fro until the waters were dried up from the earth.

NRSV Genesis 8:7

I bet you recognize it now!

It's Noah and the Ark. Right?

Well no, it's not.

It's Utnapishtim and the Flood, damn near word for word (depending a little on the translation), and it predates, by a considerable margin, anything in The Book, the earliest actual copies of which, the Qumran/Dead Sea Scrolls, date between 150 BCE to 70 CE.

For comparison:

We have a hard copy of Ziusudra (on a baked clay tablet, talk about "hard copy!") dated to ∼1,800 BCE, or 500 - 600 years before the generally accepted dates for Moses "receiving" The Law.

We have Atrahasis in hard copy (ditto), dated to ∼1,646-26 BCE. Or between 300 - 400 years before the generally accepted dates for Moses.

And we have a copy, by the Scribe Sin-lige-unninni, dating to 1,300 - 1,000 BCE.

aka Circa Moses.

And what with the modern consensus being that the hebrews didn't begin the active recording, compilation, and editing (redaction is such a... harsh word), of their "history and law" (The Tanakh / Torah), until either during, or shortly after, the Babylonian captivity, (betwixt and between 586 to 536, and possibly even later, BCE), or, in other words, a period of time during which they would absolutely have been exposed to Sumerian/Akkadian/Babylonian mythology, well, you know, I don't want to be casting aspersions here, but, it being included, (damn near word for word), in the Tanakh seems, well, just a might maybe, convenient? can I say? It just makes me a little teeny bit suspicious that the hebrews might have picked the story up during the Babylonian "captivity", 586 - 537 BCE, and thought it would make a nice addition to Genesis!

"But I'm no scholar, so I could be wrong."

"That's true."

"But fortunately for me, I have an advantage over the scholars."

"Say What?!"

"Yup. I have a way to check it out!"

"No way!"

"Way!"

"No way!"

"Way!"

"How!?"

"Why, the wabac* machine, as a matter of fact! *(it's pronounced "way back".)

So, that being said, let us begin our journey in time.

We'll go back, back, back! Way Back! (You know... I think I left Sherman and Mr Peabody in Ancient Sumer during an earlier post. Keep an eye out for them while we're here, cause lord only knows what might have happened! We might need to rescue them!)

("Just turn that big dial counterclockwise if you would, please.")

("Is this far enough?")

("No! Back! Back further! Further!")

("Here?")

"Yes! That's it! All the way back to the (now) Persian Empire, during the reign of Cyrus the Great. A time when men were men, women were women, and the sheep were... sheep! A time when everyones hair was perfect, beards were square, and all was right with the world."

(Start the flashing lights, whirring noises, sense of vertigo, and end with a big bang!)

"Where are we now?"

We find ourselves wandering through the Great Bazaar, in The Square of the King, in the Great Walled City of Anshan, in Beautiful Sunny Persia. (or Sumer, Akkad, Babylon, Persia, Iraq. The name changes, but the land remains the same.)

It's a nice sunny afternoon in early April, (before the heat sets in), 536 BCE, and we just happen to overhear the conversation of a young married couple.

And who could they be?

Let's move a little closer and find out.

Well I'll be hornswoggled! It's Mo (Moses) Ahkenahtenstein, and his lovely wife Zippy. They're out enjoying a rare day off together. As a matter of fact, today they're engaged in a little shopping spree. You see, they've managed to get a little bit set aside, (Mo has been working as a shepherd for several years, but he dreams of being a writer), and they're thinking about taking King Cyrus up on his offer of free relocation/return to Jerusalem Lane, in Promised Land Estates! (Where Great-great-great Gramma and Grampa lived! (Back before the revolt). You know, the revolt where that mean old King Nebuchadnezzar came down and hauled them all off to Babylon as a punishment?)

Hey! It looks like Zippy has found something interesting in the bargain cuneiform tablet section of Crazy Akmed's Discount Clay Tablet Center! Let's listen in!

"Oh Mo! Moses! Yoo hoo! Sweetie! Come over here! Look! Just look at this adorable little cuneiform tablet! Just look! Look here! See! Read it! See? Wouldn't this make just the loveliest addition to your Genesis story? What Genesis story? Oh Mo, don't be silly! You know perfectly well! That little history of the world, our people, and god thingy you're working on? Just think about it! If we put this little Utnapishtim thingy in between The Creation and the Tower of Babel, (now Mo honey... Don't you make that face at me! Now Mo, sweetie, you know as well as I do that the story just doesn't have any flow through that section at all! You know it doesn't!), it needs something there, and I just know that this will give the story that certain something! You know I'm right, don't you Mo sweetie?! I'm certain it's what you've been looking for! Do let's take it with us! Please!"

So they took it back to Israel, (or was it Judah?).

No, that's not right. Mo and company ended up wandering in the sinai for forty years. (Moses can't read a map? Who knew!) Anyway, you can guess what happened, good old Mo ended up including that little old Sumerian/Akkadian/Babylonian/Persian story in his magnum opus, the Pentateuch. The very pentateuch that would, eventually, become an important part of the worlds best selling book ever! And I bet you that they have never, to this day, paid shekel one in royalties to the Sumerians/Akkadians/Babylonians/Persians, or to their heirs or assigns! (I wonder... If someone could prove direct descent from Mo, would they be eligible for royalties?

Or, what if someone could prove direct descent from the scribe Sin-Lige-Unninni, could they sue Israel?

Either way, what with interest and compounding and who knows what all, whoever won, they'd be richer than Bill Gates! (I was going to say Croesus, but I thought that would be too obscure.)

I can hear the lawyer for the prosecution now, "So they were carried off and held 'captive' in Babylon, wah, wah, wah. That's no excuse for theft! Anyway if the Israelites had simply learned how to get along with others, instead of revolting every time some foreign invad... um, ruler, tried to put up some little tiny statue somewhere, the invading Empires would stop burning down the city, knocking down the Temple, and dragging them off into slavery!"

"Objection! Prejudicial and irrelevant!"

"Prejudicial and irrelevant? Your Honor, remember how in Exodus the defendant(s) stole everything they could lay their hands on just before they were deported from Egypt as non-desirables? You know, just before Pharaoh kicked them out of Egypt? Does Your Honor detect a pattern here? I believe that indicates a continuing pattern of behavior which is relevant to the plaintiff's allegations!"

"Objection denied!"

Of course I could be casting aspersions on the wrong people historically, since it's also possible they could have borrowed the story earlier in their history, much earlier say, like, what if the ancestral Ibri had some contact with either the Sumerians or the Akkadians, way back when. Yeah. It could have been way, way, back there. Say, pre-Patriarchs. Long before they even became hebrews and wandered off down Egypt way. (If they actually did. The Egyptian Period is deeply problematic historically.) So that would be pre-mosaic.

Not that it makes any real difference, since it will work just fine either way!

So anyway, whoever is responsible, there it is, in The Book.

And now, back to the present!

So there it is. In black and white. "Ziudsura/Atrahasis/Utnapishtim and the Flood" simply renamed "The story of Noah and the Ark". Ha!

Anyway, whoever was responsible, pre-patriarchal or post prophetical, do they credit their source? No sir! They just pretend like it was whoever's idea all along! Like no one was ever gonna check. Jeez! There they were, all those Prophets yammering away, big G this, and big G that, this future, and that future, blah, blah, blah, for centuries! And NOT ONE of them foresaw the internet? Second raters, everyone of them. And as for not crediting? You try doing that on one little term paper and see where it gets you. (It was an honest mistake! One teensy little oversight when I was typing. Jeez! Miss just a couple of little tiny quotation marks here and there, forget a reference or two in in the bibliography.... I mean anyone could make a mistake like that! But would they listen? Oh No.... Academic probation, letters in "The File", the phone call home. What a nightmare.)

Still I have to wonder what else they might have taken back to "the promised land" after their captivity. There's quite a few things I can imagine they took with them, but there's one thing, sadly, that I know they didn't take. And I have to say, from a 21st century perspective, that it's too bad they didn't. But just imagine they had. Just imagine "what if ?" What if, when they were returned to "their" promised land, they had taken Cyrus' the Greats philosophy of religious and cultural tolerance along for the ride. Just imagine what the world might be like today....

Raven, I'd like you to meet Gilgamesh

Raven sez - "Don't you even think about it!" Grocery parking lot, Wasilla, AK

A long, long, time ago, in a Land, (which has had many different names over the last five thousand or so years, the most current being Iraq), far, far, away, (but as Iraq just isn't germane to my purposes today, I'm gonna use the ancient name of Sumer), there lived, The Sumerians!

They were a great and noble people, and they ruled Mesopotamia, (see? that's another name for the same place right there!), for a couple plus thousand years.

(Mesopotamia, for those of you who aren't in the know, is Greek for Between the Rivers. The Tigris and Euphrates rivers, to be exact.)

Huh. Well... that's awkward. Mesopotamia being a greek name, I mean. Ya gotta wonder, did the Sumerians call it "Mesopotamia"? I doubt it. In fact, I'd bet my left pinky toe they didn't call it "Mesopotamia" at all! They might still have called it "the land between the rivers", which is, exactly, "mesopotamia", but in akkadian, instead of greek. And while there are still lots of people who speak greek as their native tongue, who speaks akkadian in this day and age? I mean, I'm pretty sure some people might still be able to read it, here and there, at colleges mostly, I'd bet. But speak it? Without an accent? Not likely, I'm telling you!

See how it is? This whole name issue is another one of those things that makes history so difficult. Same location, totally different alphabet, language, and name! Shoot you can end up arguing with someone you agree with 100%, just cause you're using a different name for the same person, place, or thing. (Why am I suddenly flashing on after school special and saturday morning tv?)

So I think every place should only be allowed to have one name.

Oh damn. That won't work either. Folks will start right in fighting over who gets to name what, and who has the right, and "We were here first!", and "Well, that's not what WE call it!" and in the case of like, the Original names, the names given before we invented writing? Well, how do we even determine how to pronounce them? We already know that there's not a whole lot of native Akkadian speakers running around today. (No, not Acadian! Akkadian. It's totally different. So sorry, no Jambalaya, Crawfish Pie, or File Gumbo for like the next, oh, 4,000 years.) But at least the akkadians had writing! Where ya gonna find a native speaker of, say, Proto-Ugaritic? (Especially this time of night, and in this neighborhood?)

Regarding the whole greek name thing. I do like the Greek language, even tho I've never actually studied it. But I have figured out certain little bits and pieces of how it works over the years, so, "Hey everybody, watch me do this!"

(The above is an "alert" cry of the now endangered Greater American Redneck. It is usually uttered by a junior male of the tribe - who are all, for some unknown reason, called, "Bubba"* - as he prepares engage in some form of difficult, or risky activity, with the express purpose of impressing either his fellow tribesmen, and thereby gaining status, or impressing a potential mate, and thereby gaining access to pussy. It is usually uttered after the second keg has been tapped, and just prior to the unfortunate accident.)

In Greek, just like German. You can take two separate words + a glue-stick, et voila! Compound words!

Macro = Big, Micro = small, and Meso = middle/between! So, meso + potamous (river) = Mesopotamia! The Mississippi is sometimes called The Big River! So in Greek it would be - The Macropotamous!

It's simple, see? Here's some more!

Hippo (horse) + Kampos (sea monster) = Hippocampus (aka the Sea Horse! and also a brain structure said to somewhat resemble a sea horse), and Hippo + potamous = Hippopotamus! Which is, of course, the Hippopotamus! But I think the Greeks must have been drinking on that one, cause they don't look anything like a horse to me. But river elephant? Elephopotamous? Nah that doesn't quite work either. No trunk. Oh well.

And now! Back to Sumer!

And how are we to get there?

No worries, I know just the guy. Hey Dr! Dr? Now where the devil did he disappear to?

Well hell. Now what?

Wait a minute! I know exactly who I'm gonna call!

Yo! Mr Peabody! -

"Quickly Sherman! Into the WABAC Machine!" ( it's pronounced "way back".)

"Where are we going today, Mr Peabody?"

"The Plain of Shinar, Sumer 2,600 BC!"

"Um, Mr Peabody?"

"Yes Sherman?"

"We don't seem to be going anywhere."

"That is true Sherman, and we will continue to go nowhere until you push the Big Red Button."

"Oh yeah. That's right."

(Lots of noise and flashing lights, smoke effects, shaky camera work, ending with a loud bang, and bright flash of light!)

"We have now arrived at the great Walled City of Uruk! Quickly Sherman! Let us disembark the WABAC machine, for if we are celeritous in our perambulation we may have the excellent good fortuity to apprehend the recitation of one of the great Sumerian Epic poems at one of the local nightclubs."

"Nightclub? Um, Mr Peabody?"

"Yes Sherman?"

"I'm not old enough to drink."

"Sherman, Sherman, Sherman... We are now in Ancient Sumer. Can you pick up a glass?"

"Why yes, Mr Peabody."

"Then you're old enough to drink."

"Oh... And what poem might we hear here Mr Peabody?"

"Hear here! Oh my, that is amusing... hear here... Well, Sherman, perhaps tonight we'll hear here the ancient story of Atrahasis and the Flood, or the newest version of the Epic of Gilgamesh that's making the rounds, perhaps even a reading from Tablet XI, which contains a reworking of the Atrahasis story into the story of The Immortal Utnapishtim and the Flood."

"Um, Mr Peabody?"

"What is it now Sherman?"

"I don't speak Sumerian."

"It's like I'm working alone here.... Sherman, what are we?"

"We? Mr Peabody?"

"Yes Sherman, we, us, you and I, the two of us... Please observe. We are cartoon characters Sherman, are we not?"

"Well, yes, Mr Peabody."

"And what language has been used exclusively in EVERY episode to date Sherman?"

"Well, english, Mr Peabody."

"And why should today be different?"

"I'll shut up now Mr Peabody."

"I think that would be wise, Sherman."

What I did on my Sumer vacation!

(sorry, now I'm flashing back to grade school.)

Alright! We made it! We're back in Sumer! On the plain of Shinar! A time of legend. In the land where Civilization, Writing, and Literature were invented!

OK. Sorry. That's not true. There was lots of important stuff happening elsewhere on the planet... I just sorta experienced a little temporary lapse there. Sometimes we old people do that. Start talking about the old days. You know, the whole, "When I was a kid" thing, so I kinda fell back into the Oldschool Western Civilization Ethnocentric Education Perspective that was pounded into us children in the olden times.

(For those of you not familiar with that system of education/belief, here's a brief synopsis.)

The OldSchool Western Civilization Ethnocentric Education Perspective was the system under which we older Americans, (those of us borned prior to the late sixties), were taught that all Art, Truth, and Beauty, were contained exclusively in the paintings, sculpture, music, and the philosophical and other writings of, "Old Dead White Guys". The original dead guys being exclusively Greek, followed by the Romans, many of whose works were lost and only centuries later rediscovered, (sometimes because of, and at other times in spite of, The Church). They were then filtered through the more or less exclusively male lens of The Renaissance, and then The Enlightenment, and then 1950's textbook editorial committees, and then, and only then, included in our textbooks. (Which is why we quite often didn't recognize them, at all, when they were presented to us in their original, unedited format, oh so many years later.)

But, to put it quite simply, the primary tenet of the old view can be pithily summed up in the following paraphrase, and I quasi quote,

"If it's not Grrrreek, it's Crrrrrrrrraaaaap !!!!"

Well, except for holy scripture.

We were taught that the holy scriptures were written in our bibles by the very index finger of Big G Himself ! (I mean, since when does an omnipotent being need Guttenberg!) So we certainly couldn't (on peril of our immortal souls) question those!

And yes, even though the Hebrew old testament wasn't originally written in Greek, since it was merely prologue for the important stuff that followed that didn't particularly count against it. Besides, it had already been translated into greek for the egyptian jews, (greek speaking egyptian jews? How convenient is that? The hand of divine providence without a doubt!) sometime between 200 and 300 BCE. It is called the septuagint, and the christians promptly co-opted it, (to avoid incurring translation costs, I expect. And I'll bet you anything that they never paid shekel one in royalties!) as a part of their holy scripture!

I must admit that in those simpler, long ago times, the old testament was often taught to us christian children with a certain implicit, well actually, very often explicit air of, "The Jews did not then, and do not to this very day, understand what their own scriptures were foretelling! And as a consequence of their ignorance they shall all assuredly burn in hellfire" smugness and patronizing christian certitude. (My goodness, ann coulter! what are you doing here?)

No. It was the new testament that was important! That was the part that really mattered, (or so we were taught), and it was written in Greek! (As noted above, though I think Greek looks like fun, I don't read Greek, so I must trust other sources), and these sources inform me that most all of the new testament is written in very good Greek. Literate, educated, Greek. Other bits of it will be write in greek what wasn't heretofore so perfect sometimes. (Evidently Mark has some issues with tense agreement.) But why should tense agreement matter? Where the Omniscient Big G is concerned, the past, the present, and the future, must all be the same.

Now, as to exactly why the new testament should be written in Greek, I can't really say, since, so far as I can determine, not one of the original twelve, nor Christ himself, either spoke or was capable of writing Greek. Which really does makes it seem a rather odd choice of language. One would be inclined to think, given the supposed circumstances, that aramaic would have suited better. I guess it's just another one of those... Mysteries.... they keep telling us not to worry about. (Though I must say that I, personally, am totally and absolutely certain that Jesus, being the consubstantial Son of Big G, could absolutely have either spoken, or written, absolutely flawless Greek. If ever he'd a mind to.)

But again, I digress -

Now it's time to meet our hero Gilgamesh!

Gilgamesh!

Start Black

Sound over black:

- Martial Music -

Lots of percussion, goatskin drums, timbrels, shofars,

in a sort of John Williams meets Danny Elfman while

hanging out and partying in Ancient Assyria kind of style.

Dissolve into

Shot 1:

Wide shot, the plains of Shinar. Walls of the Great Walled City of Uruk

in the distance.

Sound:

Hoofbeats and Chariot approaching from behind.

Voiceover:

It was a time of Legend!

Woman's voice:

Gilgamesh!

Shot 2:

Chariot racing hell bent for leather towards

the Great Griffin Gate of the Great Walled City of Uruk.

Camera move:

Start ground level, chariot passes close left from behind,

slow boom up as chariot shrinks in the distance.

Shot 3:

Watchman on tower sees chariot approaching,

turns to shout to the Gatekeepers.

Camera move:

Start high with chariot in distance, watchman enters shot

bottom left, looks out across plain, camera booms down

and zooms in as watchman turns, shouts, finish with

watchman full face, left of center.

Shot 4:

Guards burst from barracks, race to open the Griffin Gate.

Camera move:

tracking dolly shot of Guards as they run towards the Gate.

Shot 5:

Guards pulling gates open, chariot enters when there's

just barely enough room to pass through.

Camera move:

Start head height, wide shot, pan as chariot passes

left to right through frame, through market square

scattering goats, duck, people in its way.

Woman's voice:

Gilgamesh!

Shot 6:

Chariot screeches to stop at base of

The Great Stair which leads up to the Palace.

Woman's voice:

Gilgamesh!

Shot 7:

Slaves take reins from hand of Hunky Young Guy (Gilgamesh)

Shot 8:

Head shot, Gilgamesh looks up Great Stair,

hears woman's voice scream

"Gilgamesh!" Makes face...

Shot 9:

Tight shot, ground level, hunky feet appear, wearing hunky designer

sandals (by Enki of Inanna designs) as Gilgamesh jumps from

chariot, runs toward stair.

Camera move:

boom up as Gilgamesh runs up stairs.

(may add shot to emphasize Gilgamesh's broad

shoulders, perfect hair, tight little... never mind)

Shot 10:

Palace doors opened by door wards/slaves

Gilgamesh races through.

Camera move:

Start door center on open, pan and follow

Gilgamesh through frame - left to right,

right to left, I mean, really, who cares...

Shot 11:

Door wards/slaves close door, exchange knowing looks, smiles.

Shot 12:

Gilgamesh racing through palace hallway

Camera move:

Dolly shot, Gilgamesh in profile, show perfect hair

glistening flawless golden skin, sculpted biceps,

perfect pecs, six pack, square manly jaw

(maybe slo-mo)

Woman's voice:

Gilgamesh!

Shot 13:

Gilgamesh racing through another palace hallway.

Camera move:

Gilgamesh enters shot from right, pan follow.

Shot 14:

Gilgamesh racing through yet another hallway, towards

The Big Doors!

camera move:

static shot from behind as Gilgamesh approaches door

to give scale, it's a BIG door, a really BIG DOOR,

a really, really, really BIG DOOR!

Shot 15:

Royal Dining room, lots of gold, frescos on walls, fine carvings.

Matronly looking woman dressed in height of Akkadian fashion,

lots of glossy black hair. perfectly coifed in high akkadian style.

Starts with back to camera, turns, opens mouth to scream again.

Shot 16:

Gilgamesh trying to sneak through door.

(It's a REALLY BIG DOOR)

Shot 17:

Woman closes mouth, frowns, opens mouth again, screams

Gilgamesh! by Ahura Mazda! Where in the name of Enlil

have you been!! Your dinners cold!!

Shot 18:

Woman chasing Gilgamesh around the dinner table whacking him

with a big wooden spoon, while his father King Lugalbanda,

(Sean Connery, if we can get him) Fourth King of Uruk

laughs uproariously.

Title:

The Epic of Gilgamesh

Music:

Something new, maybe some sort of Urban Akkadian,

Hip Hop / Fusion Jazz sort of thing.

Wide shot:

Market square in Uruk, lots of trading, maybe some slaves or prisoners

in chains. (slaves, prisoners, same difference, whatever) Baskets

of dates and figs, some touring Egyptian Break Dancers, maybe some

New Nubian Hip Hop. Bunches of wide eyed Ibri (think "country mice in the

big city") wandering around with their goats thinking "Man, we got to get

us some a this!" Ducks and geese wandering around, shitting on everything.

Maybe some asses and camels.

Voiceover:

Join Gilgamesh Prince of Uruk, his best friend Enkidu the Wildman,

some seriously crazy, and often horny, Gods and Goddesses! (One of whom

earlier tried to destroy all of creation, or at least the Sumerians,

with a Really Big Flood.) An immortal named Utnapishtim, (who was

made an immortal for surviving the flood with two of all living things,

and repopulating the world, or at least Sumer), daemons, maybe a demiurge

or an aeon or two, (who knows) on their wacky adventures in search of -

The Secret of Eternal Life!

(It's really high concept, I don't know why no one has optioned it.)

But ENOUGH about those crazy Sumerian Royals!

I see you are confused.

"What has this to do with Raven?" you may be wondering.

Well I'm getting to that, in my own time. And I will make things clear in my next post of - The Continuing Adventures of Raven!

Unless I get sidetracked somehow.

But seriously, when has that ever happened?

So I wouldn't worry about it.

*This would be an excellent subject for someones Doctoral Thesis.

Raven in History and Myth 1

Raven contemplates the Mysteries of the Universe, Parking Lot, Wasilla, AK

Raven stories turn up all over the place. Anywhere Ravens fly in fact, and Ravens pretty much fly anywhere and everywhere they want, which most times is also wherever they's folks to be found.

"And why is that?" you ask, purely out of - simple curiosity -

Aye, there's the rub.

You do realize, I hope, that there is no such thing as simple curiosity. Curiosity always leads to the opening of doors that The Powers That Be wish remain closed. And for that reason most religions do their level best to eliminate - using physical, psychological, and emotional methods - all curiosity from children at as young an age as possible.

And why is that? What are they so afraid of?

In point of fact, they fear the simple questions because those lead to the more difficult questions (which will arise from questioning those first simple answers), which will lead to the deeper questions that revealed religion is absolutely incapable of actually answering.

Which incapability Satan, (and where, and what, are your proofs of Satans existence, perzakitly?), or one of his innumerable minions here on earth, (aka yours truly), will use to tempt the young, or even the aged but still questioning mind, into seeking answers outside of the The Holy Books. (Wherein God's revealed truth is soully contained.)

So, should you find the following sentence -

"We do not know, my son. It's... A Mystery...."

- spouted by an Authority Figure, (who often wears a silly hat), to be an acceptable answer to your questions, then, boy oh boy, do I have the perfect religion for YOU!

(And you should probably read no further.)

The unacceptable risk of curiosity has always been, and remains to this day, (as far as the Powers That Be are concerned), that seeking answers outside The Holy Books, will lead (has led) to the discovery of actual truths, real truths, hard truths, truths that are demonstrable, truths that are susceptible of proof, truths that directly, and incontrovertibly, contradict the revealed truth contained within The Holy Books.

Which will lead (horror of horrors!) to questioning the wisdom of the established, (by Big G himself!) temporal and moral authorities. Which, according to Paul, (see Romans 13: 1 - 7), good christians should never do.

Let us move to The Year - 1609.

Pauline Christianity, aka The Catholic Church, rules the known world,

and is the sole repository of Truth.

And Yes, that's Truth with a Capitol T!

Location - The backyard of the Galilei residence at UOP (University of Padua)

Situation - Post Galilei family annual faculty barbecue. (Galileo, centuries ahead of his time as per usual, had recently perfected his [sadly now lost] recipe for Tuscan Barbecue Sauce, for which he would soon be renowned throughout all Padua.)

Time - Late evening. The guests have all returned home. There are lots of rib bones and empty long necks lying around.

Back story - Galileos friend and patron, Maffeo Barberini, will be seated Pope Urban VIII, in the year 1623.

Galileo is alone in the backyard, ostensibly cleaning up the mess, but in actuality occupied with using his new telescope to scope out his latest discovery among the Heavenly Bodies, una bella donna twenty year old molto (molta?) mammosa coed with long, luxurious, flame red hair, and a penchant for wandering about topless in her dorm room next door. (Second story, third window to the left.) She is known to history as Gianna de' Rossi de' Monti Cristo a Fiorenzo Eggplant Parmigiana, (she was rumored to be the model for certain, now lost, paintings of nymphs recumbent by the painter Claude Lorrain, which were displayed on the walls of certain private Papal chambers), but when she spots him scoping her out, there in the moonlight, she promptly gives him the finger and pulls down the blinds.

Damn! No more of her perfect orbs tonight.

Galileo sighs, then decides, to keep the evening from being a total loss, to scope out the other perfect feminine orb shining so brightly in the night sky. (This one otherwise known as la luna.) Yes, even she, whose gentle light had so, infelicitously, revealed his, purely academic, attentions to Gianna.

"Next time," he thought, "I'll stand in the shadows."

He would later relate the other discoveries of that night in his masterwork, Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems. (Wherein he may have inadvertently insulted his once friend, Maffeo Barberini, now Pope Urban VIII, by putting certain of the Popes own arguments re. earth centrism in Simplicios mouth.)

An oopsie that would durn near get him burned at the stake!*

"So, there I am in the backyard, looking through my telescope at the moon, and wada ya know! it has mountains! and craters! It isn't perfect, like the church says. And another thing, the Sun, that big bright thing in the sky? it has SPOTS! Not little tiny spots either, but Big Black Spots!! How can Big Gs perfect sun have Big Black Spots? And here's another thing, the planet Jupiter? the really big one? it has satellites! It's like its own little solar system, way out there. Which means the solar system is Copernican and not Ptolemaic. Huh. Like anyone with a functioning brain didn't know that already! Hmm, let me think about this for a minute. If the church is wrong about this simple fact, (and they are absolutely wrong), then, I wonder, could they... could they be wrong about everything else?"

House arrest really wasn't that bad a deal, considering the alternative.

*A little know historical fact - Fortunately for Galileo, their earlier personal friendship, and the Popes personal fondness for, and approval of one of Galileo's earlier and lesser known works, The Study of the Systems of The UOP Heavenly Bodies: With Pictures! (Of which Galileo had earlier presented The Pope a signed copy), moderated to a certain degree the Papal anger, and so actually saved him from being quick fried to a crackly crunch.

So there you go.

Curiosity leads to questioning, leads to people finding out things!

Things they can prove!

And then?

Then they start demanding proof about other things.

Things like - "Where, exactly, and what, exactly, are your proofs that the Bible is even vaguely historically accurate about anything, let alone that it is inerrant?" and "How do you know that John was actually written by, well, by John the Apostle, instead of some other John, or even some Tom Dick or Harry?

And they start refusing to accept things on blind faith alone!

And they start questioning their betters!

And they start wanting to know, "Where does all the money go?"

So You See! Simple curiosity is the slippery slope Straight - to - Hell - !!

So it is obviously better to beat curiosity out of a child early on, and thereby avoid all the problems simple curiosity, and the search for REAL answers, can lead to, such as - The viral and bacterial theory of infection and disease, disease prevention theory, quantum mechanical theory, Newton's theory of gravitation, vaccination theory, sanitation theory, Maxwell's theory of electromagnetism, Newton's theory of motion, the theory of thermodynamics, the theory of the finite speed of light, the theory of plate tectonics, etc, etc, etc.

In fact, if you are reading this on a laptop, or other wireless device, in a wireless coffee shop anywhere on planet earth, everything you're doing is based on, and occurring because of, uncountable interactions that are all purely and absolutely theoretical. Funny how well applied theory works. (As opposed to revealed truth.)

And yet revealed religion still preaches, (today using the web and satellite television, tools made possible by that enemy of faith, curiosity), that it is infinitely preferable that the believer remain obedient, unquestioning, indoctrinated, fat, dumb, terrified of burning forever in hell, (should they make the mistake of questioning the powers that be), and ignorant, than that they be educated.

And now - Back to the original question, the simple reason is this, Ravens are smart! They're sure as hell smarter than us!

Just look around. Wherever there are cities, towns, farms, etc. Wherever there are people, there's likely Ravens.

And why is that?

Why?

I'll tell you why!

Because wherever there's humans, there's always loads of free food. There for the taking. (And in the old days, if the harvest failed, or something else caused a crisis in a human settlement and folks starved to death, or died of some plague, well, I expect we taste just as good to a hungry Raven as cold french fries.)

Ravens hang out around people because we make life easier for them. Whenever, and wherever we humans (and I use the term loosely) are found, our wasteful ways mean they never have to work very hard for their dinner.

Just look at it from Ravens point of view. In the winter a Raven can spend hours of wing time - all the while burning precious calories when it's below zero - out scouting for carrion, or trying to hunt, catch, and kill, mice, voles, squirrels, etc. or, Raven can go hang out at the dumpster behind Mickey D's, and pig out on french fries, burgers, and shakes.

It's a no brainer.

Lots and lots of food with high calorie density? Free for the taking? NO effort required? I don't have to kill it? I am sooooooo there!

In fact, when solitary Ravens find a food bonanza, they have been observed to go seek out other Ravens and lead them back to the free eats. (Admittedly the first Raven on site usually fills up first, but still.)

So how about the Raven in History?

Raven is mentioned in the Bible, several times in fact. First in Exodus in the story of Noah and the Ark, and later in Leviticus, where Raven makes the list of birds that the Israelites can't eat.

Ravens aren't Kosher? Who'd a'thunk it? And why should that be the case?

Well, I can think of two reasons right off the top of my head; first, Ravens are a carrion eater, so that might be the reason, and secondly, (and I admit this is pure speculation), I'm inclined to think that Raven has something on Big G. Incriminating photos or video I expect. Maybe recordings of those naughty phone calls to a Hot Seraphim, (a la O'Reilly), or info re his addiction to certain powerful painkillers, (a la Limbaugh).

I know if anyone could get the upper hand on the Big G, it would certainly be Raven.

So next post we's goin back in time to the land of ancient Sumer. Where all sorts of interesting things happened, and many wonderful stories were told.

And we know this how?

We know this because the Sumerians invented a form of writing, which we call cuneiform, and they wrote their stories down! So we have hard copies of them to this day.